Sometimes I wonder...(part of my testimony)

I remember in my early twenties when I had walked away from the Lord.  My son was about 1 1/2 years old and I was going through a divorce that I NEVER expected to happen.  To me it seemed my whole world had just came crashing down.  Now I was young had a baby and was going through something awful.  But instead of turning toward God I turned away.

I started doing things that I had never done before.  I drank, smoked, drugs, and things that I am definitely not proud of.  I was gonna live my life and live it for me.  Although I worked 7 days a week 10 hour days for like 3 months straight without a day off, I ran and ran and ran from God and this was just the beginning of a down hill spiral!  I got into abusive relationships that one in particular almost killed me, more drugs, more alcohol, and more things that I was even more ashamed of.  But God was always there watching my every move, my every thought, my every mistake waiting for me to just walk away from the world and turn to him, but I didn't right away because I wasn't done doing what I wanted to do.  What I wanted to do was kill myself..not literally but by the things I was doing.  It was killing me slowly, more and more each day I lost who I was.  But who I became was definitely not who I wanted to be.

One day while I was right in the middle of a terrible fight, with an ex-boyfriend...and I mean fist fight not argument, I cried out to God.  I had just gotten a cast off my arm from my ex throwing a fan at me and breaking my little finger to where I had to have surgery and screws put into it just to hold it together.  Today I still have the screws in it.  He had broken into my dining room window and I had fallen asleep on the couch because he had just beaten me a few hours before and I was afraid to go to bed.  I heard someone coming through the window and I woke up to him beating me.  At the time I was about 130 lbs and he was over 6' 200 plus lbs.  He had me down on the floor stomping me, and I was thinking ....today I'm gonna die.  But somewhere deep down inside I heard "just call on my name."  Somehow I managed to get him on his knees and from behind I remember looking right at my right fist(the one I had the cast on) and thinking if you don't fight back he's going to kill you.  I started punching as hard as I could with my right hand into the back of his head.  When my right arm got tired I started upper cutting him in the face with my left hand.  THEN I was exhausted...I said "Lord, if you let me get out of this situation I will NEVER get back into it again."  At that moment I ran toward the door, unlocked it and ran to my neighbors house for help.  And do you know what??  I NEVER did get back into that situation and He NEVER came back.

But God being the gentleman that he is Never forced himself on me and never helped me until I called on him.  He wasn't gonna take charge of my life because I wasn't letting him nor living it for Him. 

You see God isn't gonna just magically pop up like some kind of genie and do what we command.  He said if you love me You will obey MY commandments.  But the whole time I was running from God where did it get me?  I was doing what I wanted to do and living my life the way I wanted to but what did I find by doing it?

What I want to say is...people please give Jesus a chance.  What can it hurt?  You've been living your life the way you want to and where has that gotten you?  I pray that this message will touch someone that needs it.  Someone that needed to hear it, and that it blesses someone.

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,
I know what it's like to run from you, but Lord I also know what it's like to run TO YOU!  I'm so glad that I chose to run to you and away from the former things that I knew.  I love you so much and I thank you everyday of my life for saving me, and rescuing me from the miry clay.  Father bless those that read this message, prick their hearts that they to may see the joy in knowing who you are and that is Love.  Let them know that people they love will someday leave but you O' Lord will never ever leave them.  You will keep them in your right hand and no one can snatch them out.  Father I pray for the abused that they may seek you and find you.  I pray for your hedge of protection around them and that they may be kept safe.  I pray for the loved ones of family members who are in abusive relationships that they to may find a way out.  And Lord I pray for the abusers that they my see what it is that they are doing and turn from their wicked ways O' Lord and turn toward you.  I ask that the abused find forgiveness in their hearts because you have forgiven us for our faults.  I pray for peace and love and comfort in knowing you as MY Lord and Savior, In Jesus precious Holy Name...Amen!